Was machst diene kaninchen am wochenende?

Escaping the chaos of Manaus, we boarded Voyager III on the morning of day twenty, a passenger and cargo boat that would take us up the Rio Amazonas to Tabatinga. We had been told contradictory reports about the boat journey - from Doug telling Forrest that he loved it and just drank rum for the entire trip which was echoed by a guy in Hostel Manaus, to two Swiss girls in the jungle horrified that we were travelling by boat rather than by plane as they had been told that all foreigners get horrendously ill from the food onboard and it was a terrible decision on our behalf.

We had made the wise decision of paying a little extra to get a cabin, rather than a hammock on deck. Although conscious that we would not have the full experience of the trip by missing out on sleeping crammed in between the locals making their way back to Tabatinga after what seemed like a shopping trip to Manaus, the lure of a locked cabin for our valuables (namely Doritos and Cachaca), our own bathroom (the Swiss girls warnings had not gone unheeded) and aircon was just too great. Plus we had the added bonus of plug sockets so we could pass the time watching films on the laptop (so far an invaluable last minute investment). The aircon however turned out to be a double-edged sword, as during the day it provided a welcome relief from the heat but at night time it turned the top bunk in to the arctic. I spent the first night alternating between shivering and sweating in my UGG boots and thermal top as I turned the aircon off and on, and for the rest of the trip forced Forrest to share his bunk with me which he was obviously delighted about!



We shared our ride to Tabatinga with around 150 other people, the majority of whom were Brazilian or Colombian, however we were able to find some other English speaking passengers – a relief as it meant that we would have someone other than each other as company. Our comrades on board consisted of Sebastian and Jürgen, German/South African-German dentistry students using a break from their studies to travel round South America and Barrie, an older gentleman on a research project for his film production company. After a few days on the boat our little English-speaking community was joined by another Sebastian, a Colombian student on his way back home to Bogata, who had finally plucked up the courage to practise his English with us, but more on that later.

It’s amazing how a weeklong trip can amalgamate into one long dazed and confused memory filled with cards, furro and chicken...

We woke late, around 9:30/10 (so late for me, very early for Forrest!) having missed the breakfast of coffee and very dry “cookies” and went out on the top deck to check that we were still on the Amazon and the weather. Having confirmed that we were still afloat and on our way to Tabatinga and that it was sunny/rainy/chance of rain (*delete as applicable), we went back to the cocoon of our cabin to wash in our en suite bathroom and perhaps squeeze in an episode of the Sopranos.

Lunch was served every day from 10:30 – 12:00, and dinner from 4:30 – 6:00. Meals consisted of rice, spaghetti, chicken pieces, and occasionally a bean and beef stew, a beef dish and a chilli-type dish to break the monotony, accompanied by chilli sauce and mandioca. Mealtimes were held in a tiny room at the front of the boat, and we were ushered in as space became available. The protocol was to load your plate before you squeezed on to the bench, eat and then leave to make space for the next person. Our first meal on the boat was a watery vegetable soup with sodden pasta that disintegrated as your spoon touched it, and as Forrest was ordered out the second the last morsel touched his lips, we were worried that we hadn’t brought enough crisps and biscuits to last the trip. Forrest was practically wasting away already. However, after the very poor first supper, the food became consistently good, if lacking in variety, and mealtimes were definitely a highlight of the day (no surprise there!)

Our afternoons, or rather the time between lunch and dinner(!), was spent reading either in the cabin or on the top deck depending on the weather, and watching the Sopranos. We began watching the Sopranos almost exactly two years ago, and for some reason it has taken us an eternity to get through the six seasons. It may have something to do with the fact that I tend to fall asleep in every episode, and then we have to watch the rest of the episode again the next time we watch it for me to understand what’s going on; a constant game of catch-up that seemed never ending. However, our trip to Tabatinga provided the perfect opportunity to make some real headway and I am proud and delighted to announce that we are now in the sixth and final season. We probably watched as many episodes on the boat as we did in the whole of 2010!

After dinner, our little English-speaking community would converge on the top deck for beers and cards, and chat about how we had found the chicken to be that day inbetween reminding Barrie of the rules of the card games that had to be retaught to him every day (“it’s a 9 Barrie, you have to put down a lower card!”) Hanging out with two Germans provided Forrest with the perfect opportunity to practice his German, which some might say had become a little dusty after sixth form. Forrest’s German language skills seemed to revert back to year seven, with the only question he was able to ask really being “was machst deine kanninchen on der wochenende?” ("What does your rabbit do at the weekend?"!)

Our complete lack of ability to converse in any language other than English, and sometimes that’s even a struggle, is something that becomes more and more embarrassing the deeper in to South America we go. Along the way we have met people from all over the world whose grasp on the English language has astounded us, but none more so than Sebastian Rodas Quintero. At 20 years old, he has never studied English in his life, but has simply taught himself the language from watching American TV shows online. His favourites included How I Met Your Mother and Two And A Half Men but regretfully he admitted that he had never been able to watch Gilmore Girls as they spoke far too quickly for him to understand! He is quite clearly a bright guy, picking up the card games we were playing without any explanation really (something that Barrie from somewhere between Manchester and Sheffield couldn’t get a hold on after detailed explanations and demonstrations) and was constantly asking questions like “What do you call … in English?” and asking us to pronounce words for him which you could see him silently mouthing and repeating until he had memorised it.

The soundtrack to our time on the boat was a constant loop of loosely translated American songs that bore some resemblance to the original, the occasional Justin Beiber track, The Scorpions, and a type of Brazilian music called Furro (I think?!) blasted out so loud that conversation proved difficult. Grumpy old man Forrest complained constantly about the music, although his little eyes lit up when ‘What if God was one of us’ was played one night!

As one might expect from a boat trip down the Amazon the weather while we were on the boat was varied, but for the majority of the time it was very hot and cloudy – perfect burning weather. Sebastian and JR took this as an opportunity to declare their love for their respective girlfriends back in Germany by painting their love on their chests in suncream and paint and allowing the sun to burn the words in to their bodies. The effects of which you can see for yourself…



When the weather changed, the views were incredible as you watched the rain come closer over the jungle, or the rainbows cast after the rains had been and the sun came back out. There was one sunset in particular that took my breath away as we headed west towards Colombia, and when away from the glare of the boats lights the stars were amazing.



We stopped at perhaps 9 different ports on the way to Tabatinga; unloading precious cargo such as chickens, cachaca and hundreds of bottles of rola cola, and dropping off and picking up new passengers. At one stop we got off to explore the town however after one drink in a weird little café, the boat’s klaxon sounded to signify its departure and we were forced to run back to the boat. In true South American style, we needn’t have rushed as it was a good couple of hours before we actually left the port. On the last night on the boat, we “docked” at a tiny village, where the entire village came out to greet the boat. Sebastian told us that he had been told that the indigenous people from the village were not particularly fond of ‘gringos’, to put it mildly, due to years of evangelical bullshit and deforestation that they had had to endure, but sending a plague of locusts to spoil our last night on the boat seemed pretty extreme! There were literally bugs EVERYWHERE; huge flying beetles that clung on for dear life when you tried to shake them off, locusts in their hundreds flying into my hair, moths of all sizes blindly flying into the lights and bouncing off every surface they encountered. The kids on the boat had a field day kicking and squishing the bugs, however it all got a bit too much for me and I was forced to retire to the safety of our cabin, but they had somehow even managed to get in there!

We arrived in Tabatinga at 5:30am the next morning, and when JR knocked on our cabin to let us know that we were there, the hundred or so hammock dwellers had already departed in the 10 minutes we had been docked, leaving just a few stragglers (us included). With the German dentists and Barrie, we left the boat and walked aimlessly for half an hour as we decided what to do and where to go. Eventually, tired of walking in no particular direction, we said our goodbyes and jumped in a cab to take us over the border into Leticia, Colombia and they continued walking towards Tabatinga, with the view to get a boat asap to Peru. Our guide book only had a short paragraph on Leticia, which reviewed two hostels, so choosing the cheaper of the two we asked the cab driver to take us there. A very wise move indeed.

We pulled up at a beautiful hostel, surrounded by lakes and beautiful flora and fauna, and were ushered in to beds until a more respectable hour. Once we had reawakened, feeling less like refugees after our boat trip, we checked in properly for two nights, and set about exploring Leticia, our first taste of Colombia, and booking our flights to Cartegena. Our first taste of Leticia was positive, with the locals all helpful with directions and advice, and the sun shining brightly to welcome us, however our first taste of Colombian cuisine was not so good… As we both felt a little funny around the tummy, we both decided to get simple meals; steak for Forrest and fish for me with chips and salad to accompany it. We also ordered some “nibbles” as a starter, without knowing what we were actually ordering, however just assumed it would be something fried as promised in the Rough Guide. The “nibbles” we ordered arrived after our mains had been served (my fish being covered in a mushroom sauce, which I was delighted about), and I kid you not, it was a skewer of onions and WICHITY GRUBS, last seen on I’m A Celebrity. They were cooked, however it did not make them look any more appealing than they do in the Bush Tucker Trials, and I struggled to eat the rest of my meal knowing that they were hiding behind the napkins. Stupidly, we hadn’t taken a camera out with us so I can’t show you photographic evidence of this, but please take my word for it that it was gross! Of course Forrest tried to say that if he had been feeling better he would have definitely tried it, but it’s all very well to say that whilst tucking in to your steak and chips with no intention of biting in to one of the squirmy little things!

So after a couple of days chilling at the hostel, we headed to Cartagena. Coined “the jewel in the Spanish crown” (cheers Em!), Cartagena and the Caribbean coast is one of the places I am most excited about visiting. Expect the next blog to be full of pictures of white sandy beaches and crystal clear water : )